Such a bore...

Well, when the most exciting thing I've done in months is experiment with adding a slice of lime to my glass of sugar-free Pepsi Max then what else can I say?

I've had a deeply boring summer. A painful one, a stressful one and a life-changing one, but boring. Not an exciting one at all. It occurred to me yesterday that I haven't even been shopping in about four months, hardly even online. I must have yet another, as yet undiagnosed, ailment causing this, of course. The lack of shopping hasn't helped my credit card balances because they're simply off-set with buying tickets for things later in the year. Now that I can get about a lot better I must start doing things again.

I need to conquer my food crisis. I was wandering around late on Thursday lunchtime getting stressed out trying to find something to eat and ended up having a sort of black-eyed bean filled pitta bread thing from the health food shop in the absence of anything else. I then had meetings which meant I couldn't eat more than a few mouthfuls and when I got back to my desk after meeting the minister from the Caiman Islands (I even wore shoes for the first time in months) it was nicely dry and tasteless. I put it in the bin. Then worried about eating something before seeing 'Wicked', gave up and got a cheese salad sarnie at Victoria station.

If I was only diabetic ("only"), that would be one thing, but cutting out cheese, low-fat, low-salt, low-cholesterol, low everything plus being vegetarian is what causes the problems. I actually cooked yesterday. Yes, cooked, not just heated something up. It took ages and it was lovely - and was excellent from a diabetic point of view (my blood was only 8.7 which is possibly the best ever). But it was terribly bad from a salt and fat perspective. Aruna would be both pleased and saddened.

I washed it down with Guinness. I am so bad. But also good, since that's the only alcohol I've had all week. I've stopped drinking during the week (and comparatively negligible at weekends). Sobriety is helping my fitness regime (as is the absence of cheese) but it limits one's options. In fact, I've had so little booze over the last month or so that I'm quite possibly the most sober person I know - even Christopher turns up half cut having swigged free wine when he goes to meet his film star friends.

I think I'm in the 'mourning' phase now. The second doctor I saw about the diabetes back in June said I was taking the news remarkably well and that a lot of people stressed out on being diagnosed. Way back then I was worried about my back, not all this new stuff happening to my body. I think it's possibly just really hit me over the last month. I've had time to get used to the idea now and what it means for me and am starting to manage it - unsuccessfully so far, but I'm trying. I even got a book about it so I can try to understand it better and manage it better. It just takes time. I've also sort of developed a split personality - I'm not diabetic, my body is.

But, in any case, I'm off shopping tomorrow. I will go to the HMV store on Oxford Street after work, waggle my credit card around a bit and buy things. I want, nay need, 'The SLADE Box'. I will then browse, check whether there are any new Buffy's about (I always check cos, well, you never know...) hunt for the new Indigo Girls record and generally do the picking up and putting down thing - except I will retain some in my hand. I will look in Borders for vegetarian cook books. Time permitting, I may pop along to John Lewis and Debenhams to look at suits (my new, soon-to-be svelte body will require new clobber shortly, or at least that's the plan).

I need to re-acquaint myself with people I haven't seen in months as well (yes, this possibly means you, so watch out). I also want to see the Kandinsky exhibition before it closes next weekend - some art will be good for my soul but I doubt the crowds will be.