'Five Blue Haired Ladies Sitting On a Green Park Bench' at The Orchard theatre

On Saturday afternoon I went on a magic carpet ride to the Garden of England otherwise known as Kent. Unfortunately my destination was Dartford, with a nice dual carriageway driving through the centre of town, concrete and brick and a few ailing trees. On the train journey out there I really heard a lad on his phone saying, 'I didn't know he had previous...' (ie had been in prison) and learned that people do actually say things like that in real life. So, all in all, it was useful day out.

Of course, there was a reason for the trip, and that was to see one of Chris's old friends, Nicola Blackman, on the stage as one of the 'Five Ladies' in the title of the play. Nicola divides her time between New York and the UK these days but is on a six-week tour with 'Five Ladies'. It's a new play with an ensemble cast including Anita Harris, Lorraine Chase, Shirley Anne Field, Anne Charleston and Frazer Hines. Now there's a stellar cast to die for. For some peculiar reason, Nicola doesn't get billing despite having the most time on stage, the best lines and laughs and the only song in the show (and a sparkly frock).

The play is ... well, it's in Dartford for a reason. It's the tale of five elderly ladies in New York who meet everyday on two park benches in Washington Square to chat and gossip, and one by one they stop appearing. At the end of the first half we find out that they've died, and the second half is set in heaven. They're all rather stereotyped and fail to elicit any sympathy. The second half of the show could be cut in its entirety. It really was quite poor and the script could do with a re-write or two to give it some direction.

When we went round to the stage door to meet Nicola afterwards she introduced us to Lorraine Chase - I've now shaken Lorraine's hand - and Frazer Hines left while we were standing there. That's Frazer Hines y'know, an original Dr Who companion from the '60s and star of the original 'Emerdale Farm' in the '70s (now, simply called 'Emerdale'). Far from being a star, Frazer just signed out and left quietly. Lorraine had more life to her and I couldn't help but think back to her Luton Airport adverts back in the 70s. Oh, and to be factually accurate, none of the ladies have blue hair and the benches (plural) aren't green. You need to know that.

We went round the corner from the theatre with Nicola for some food at a Greek restaurant. It was hosting a hen party later that evening so was tastefully decorated with phallic-shaped balloons and a blow up doll with a hairy chest drawn on in felt pen... Tasteful, but it served good nosh so that's OK. After a good chinwag it was nice to get on one of the many trains back to London.

Nicola's latest venture is a pilot for a new sitcom in New York called 'Madame Manhatten' and you can see a clip below - I love the line, 'My eyes are up here...'.