Arse

As student of God's gift to man - the English language - I revel in the way we twist it and make it do what we want and say almost anything, creating words to express new thoughts. I like the different forms of English, the dialects and accents that make it a new experience in different mouths. Infinite variety.

So what, exactly, is wrong with the word 'arse'?

It's that thing at the bottom of your back and top of your legs at the back. We all have one. Pert ones, big ones, all shapes and sizes - if I'm honest I'd have to admit to mine being rather flabby at the moment. It's a nice Anglo-Saxon derived word and a natural part of British English.

So why have some people started to call the venerable arse an 'ass'? As every right thinking person knows, an ass on this side of the Atlantic is a kind of donkey.

I was listening to my iPod on the way to work this morning and up popped, 'Revolution In The Head' by Girls Aloud and the chorus goes, "Revolution in the head don't count for nothing, You gotta, you gotta move that ass". I can forgive the poor syntax but why say 'ass'? Is it because it's not as rude as 'arse', so they can be a little bit daring without going too far? Or is it because it's American and a bit hippity hoppity and therefore cool? No! No it's not cool. It's stupid and sounds wrong in any British accent. Say 'arse' Girls or shut up! It touched my annoyance bone (some people have funny bones, I have annoyance bones) and I must insist that they re-record that song and use the right word.

'Ass' in song lyrics just makes me think of hibbidy hoppity videos of exploited women shaking their arses very quickly and the camera focusing in on them. Extreme sexism and objectification.

Pah! There's nothing wrong with a nice arse. So come on Girls, get back into that studio tomorrow and get the words right!

PS: um, that's not a photo of my posterior up there, mine would fill the whole screen...