Doon Toon

As anyone who knows me can testify, I care little for football. It may be our national game but it's never done anything for me. But even I'm a little saddened to hear that Newcastle United is being relegated from the Premiership to the Championship League - division 2 in old money.

Believe it or not but I do have a relationship with the club. I saw one (or maybe two) matches there around 1970 when Bobby Moncur was captain and Frank (a defender, I think) Thingummy's grandma lived round the corner from mine. Moving rapidly into the new millennium and I've been into the new stadium for my little brother's wedding a few years ago when we had a guided tour round the dressing rooms and onto the pitch.

I feel sorry for Alan Shearer, brought in to try to save the club but he can only work with the tools he's given and yesterday's sad performance showed quite plainly that the tools aren't good enough for the job. I hope he stays on to try to turn the club round next season.

Now, I still don't care much for football but I want the Toon back in the Premiership. I won't start following their progress or anything but I like being able to say, in an off-hand way, that my 'home' club is better than yours and I can't say that if they're not.